1.
MAKE PARENTING A PRIORITY – Our Children need
quantity and quality time
So
frequently we mistakenly believe that our children need more things, when in
reality their silent pleadings are simply for more of our time.
Obviously, family values mirror our
personal priorities. Given the gravity
of current conditions, would parents be willing to give up just one outside
thing, giving that time and talent instead to the family? Parents
and grandparents, please scrutinize your schedules and priorities in order to
ensure that life’s prime time relationships get more prime time!
Your leadership of the family is your
most important and sacred responsibility. The family is the most important unit
in time and in eternity and, as such, transcends every other interest in life. Effective
family leadership, brethren, requires
both quantity and quality time.
Family life, where children and
parents communicate together in study, play, and work, has been replaced by a
quick, individual, microwave dinner and an evening in front of the TV set. I’ve often thought of the happy times we had
when our family was young.
There are two areas I would
determine to improve if that privilege were granted to me to have young
children in our home once again.
- The
first would be to spend more time as husband and wife in a family
executive committee meeting learning, communicating, planning, and
organizing to better fulfill our roles as parents.
- The
second wish I would like, if I could have those years over, would be to
spend more family time. This
includes more consistent, meaningful family home evenings.”
Neal A. Maxwell, Things As
They Really Are, 4
Our "luggage," as we
leave this life, will include the intelligence we have acquired while here.
(D&C 130:18‑19.) Not everything we have learned will be useful enough to go
with us; memorized phone numbers, a brief convenience here, would not be
helpful there, but a highly developed capacity to love others will be essential
equipment in the celestial kingdom.
Neal A. Maxwell, We Will Prove
Them Herewith
Should it surprise us that in
striving to acquire and develop celestial attributes, the greater the interpersonal
proximity, the greater the challenge? Is
not patience, for instance, best developed among those with whom we interface
incessantly? The same is true with any
of the other eternal attributes. Hence
the high adventure of marriage and family life ‑‑ and why it is that in our
time so many run away from these challenges thinking they can avoid having to
confront themselves by losing themselves in other endeavors or life‑styles.
2.
UNDERSTAND AND BALANCE DISCIPLINE
With reference to our mortal
acts and the Atonement, President J. Reuben Clark Jr. contributed this valuable
insight when he said:
“I feel that [the Savior] will
give that punishment which is the very least that our transgression will
justify. I believe that he will bring into his justice all of the infinite love
and blessing and mercy and kindness and understanding which he has. …
“And on the other hand, I
believe that when it comes to making the rewards for our good conduct, he will
give us the maximum that it is possible to give, having in mind the offense
which we have committed.”
30
As Isaiah wrote, if we will
return unto the Lord, “he will abundantly pardon.”
31
Gordon B.
Hinckley, Bring up a Child in the Way He Should Go,” Oct. 93Love can make the difference-love generously given in childhood and reaching through the awkward years of youth. It will do what money lavished on children will never do.
And patience, with a bridling of the tongue and self-mastery over anger. And encouragement that is quick to compliment and slow to criticize.
These, with prayers, will accomplish wonders. You cannot expect to do it alone. You need heaven’s help in rearing heaven’s child.
Howard W. Hunter, “Parents’ Concern for Children,” Oct. 1983
We should remember that errors of judgment are generally
less serious than errors of intent.
Even if there was a
mistake made with full knowledge and understanding, there is the principle of
repentance for release and comfort. Rather than constantly dwelling on what we
perceive as a mistake or a sin or a failure to the detriment of our progress in
the gospel or our association with family and friends, it would be better for
us to turn away from it.
3. STUDYING DOCTRINE WILL IMPROVE BEHAVIOR
QUICKER THAN TALKING ABOUT BEHAVIOR
My
message is to our young people. We have great concern for young people who grow
up without values on which to base their conduct. I have long believed that the
study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking
about behavior will improve behavior.
Elder
Henry B. Eyring, “The Power of Teaching Doctrine,” Apr. 1999The question should not be whether we are too tired to prepare to teach doctrine, or whether it wouldn’t be better to draw a child closer by just having fun, or whether the child isn’t beginning to think that we preach too much. The question must be, “With so little time and so few opportunities, what words of doctrine from me will fortify them against the attacks on their faith which are sure to come?” The words you speak today may be the ones they remember. And today will soon be gone.
The best time to teach is early, while children are still immune to the temptations of their mortal enemy, and long before the words of truth may be harder for them to hear in the noise of their personal struggles.
4. TEACH CHILDREN TO EXERCISE AGENCY
Consider the question posed by Heavenly Father to Adam in
the Garden of Eden, “Where art thou?” (Genesis 3:9). Obviously the Father knew
where Adam was hiding, but He, nonetheless, asked the question. Why? A wise and
loving Father enabled His child to act in the learning process and not merely
be acted upon. There was no one-way
lecture to a disobedient child, as perhaps many of us might be inclined to
deliver. Rather, the Father helped Adam as a learner to act as an agent and
appropriately exercise his agency.
I have observed a
common characteristic among the instructors who have had the greatest influence
in my life. They refused to give me easy answers to hard questions. In fact,
they did not give me any answers at all. Rather, they pointed the way and
helped me take the steps to find my own answers.
Experience has
enabled me to understand that an answer given by another person usually is not
remembered for very long, if remembered at all. But an answer we discover
or obtain through the exercise of faith, typically, is retained for a lifetime.
The most important learnings of life are caught—not taught.
Please note how this inspired challenge is a classic example
of learning by faith. First, you and I were not commanded, coerced, or required
to read. Rather, we were invited to exercise our agency as agents and act in
accordance with correct principles. President Hinckley, as an inspired teacher,
encouraged us to act and not just be acted upon. Each of us, ultimately, had to
decide if and how we would respond to the challenge—and if we would endure to
the end of the task.
We are responsible for the
talents we have received. Children who are not taught that they are accountable
for their time and talents are increasingly subject to the foolishness and
unrighteousness that are so pervasive in the world.
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