Media: What the Apostles and Prophets Have Said about Choosing Uplifting Media

See also:

Using our Time Wisely: Prophets Counsel on Limiting our Media Time

In trying to make wise choices about the media our family watches, I wanted to understand what the prophets and apostles had counselled us to avoid. Notice how many of the current or recent prophets and apostles have spoken on this.

For me, the main drive for this goal was a desire to “always have His Spirit to be with us,” as explained in this quote by Elder Bednar:

The standard is clear. If something we think, see, hear, or do distances us from the Holy Ghost, then we should stop thinking, seeing, hearing, or doing that thing. If that which is intended to entertain, for example, alienates us from the Holy Spirit, then certainly that type of entertainment is not for us.

Here is the summary from the quotes below of things we should avoid in our media:

·         Immodesty

·         Immorality

·         Vulgar language

·         Profanity

·         Violence

·         Subtle ridicule of traditional values

·         Whatever tears people down or confuses gender

Pres. Russell M. Nelson, Sisters’ Participation in the Gathering of Israel, Oct. 2018

I invite you to participate in a 10-day fast from social media and from any other media that bring negative and impure thoughts to your mind. Pray to know which influences to remove during your fast.

1. For the Strength of Youth: Entertainment and Media

“Do not attend, view, or participate in entertainment that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in entertainment that in any way presents immorality or violent behavior as acceptable. …

“Have the courage to walk out of a movie or video party, turn off a computer or television, change a radio station, or put down a magazine if what is being presented does not meet Heavenly Father’s standards. Do these things even if others do not.”

2. Elder L. Tom Perry, “Choose the Right,” October 1993

“We live today in a world so full of choices.  Television offers both the good and the bad.  Very few movies are worthy of seeing because of the profanity, violence, and immortality that fill them.  Advertising is full of enticements to lead us to violate the Word of Wisdom.  Some music, with its monotonous rhythms, beats illicit thoughts into our heads.

3.     Joseph B. Wirthlin, “The Unspeakable Gift,” April 2003

Brothers and sisters, do we turn away the still, small voice? Do we do things that offend the Holy Ghost? Do we allow influences into our homes that drive the Spirit from our homes? The type of entertainment that we permit into our homes will certainly have an impact on the power of the Holy Ghost. Much of the entertainment of the world is offensive to the Holy Ghost. Surely we should not watch movies or television shows that are filled with violence, vulgar language, and immorality. 

4.      David A. Bednar, “That We May Always Have His Spirit to Be with Us,” April 2006

We should also endeavor to discern when we “withdraw [ourselves] from the Spirit of the Lord. Precisely because the promised blessing is that we may always have His Spirit to be with us, we should attend to and learn from the choices and influences that separate us from the Holy Spirit.

The standard is clear. If something we think, see, hear, or do distances us from the Holy Ghost, then we should stop thinking, seeing, hearing, or doing that thing. If that which is intended to entertain, for example, alienates us from the Holy Spirit, then certainly that type of entertainment is not for us. Because the Spirit cannot abide that which is vulgar, crude, or immodest, then clearly such things are not for us.

5.      Elder M. Russell Ballard, “Let our Voices Be Heard,” October 2003

Most of the sitcoms, dramas, and reality shows contain immorality, violence, and subtle ridicule of traditional values and traditional families. Each year the new shows seem to get worse, pushing the envelope of what the public will accept. What comes out of Hollywood, off the Internet, and in much of today’s music creates a web of decadence that can trap our children and endanger all of us.

Family-destructive viewpoints and behavior are regularly portrayed as pleasurable, as stylish, as exciting, and as normal. Often media’s most devastating attacks on family are not direct or frontal or openly immoral. Intelligent evil is too cunning for that, knowing that most people still profess belief in family and in traditional values. Rather the attacks are subtle and amoral—issues of right and wrong don’t even come up. Immorality and sexual innuendo are everywhere, causing some to believe that because everyone is doing it, it must be all right.

When evil wants to strike out and disrupt the essence of God’s work, it attacks the family. It does so by attempting to disregard the law of chastity, to confuse gender, to desensitize violence, to make crude and blasphemous language the norm, and to make immoral and deviant behavior seem like the rule rather than the exception.

6. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “A Matter of a Few Degrees,” April 2008

Pornography, violence, intolerance, and ungodliness destroy families, marriages, and individual lives. These dangers are distributed through many media, including magazines, books, television, movies, and music, as well as the Internet. The Lord will help you to recognize and avoid those evils. It is the early recognition of danger and a clear course correction that will keep you in the light of the gospel. Minor decisions can lead to major consequences. The Lord requires not only outward acts but also your inner thoughts and feelings to be close to the spirit of the law.

7. Elder Neil L. Andersen, “It’s True, Isn’t It? Then What Else Matters?” April 2007

 Many sacrifices are quietly accomplished: returned missionaries not delaying the responsibility of finding their eternal companion; righteous women desiring children and investing their lives in rearing them in love and truth; families carefully restricting the media and Internet influences that would tarnish their spirits; husbands and wives finding more time to be in the temple together.

8. Elder Richard G. Scott, “How to Live Well Amid Increasing Evil,” April 2004

Satan skillfully manipulates the power of all types of media and communication. His success has greatly increased the extent and availability of such degrading and destructive influences worldwide. In the past some effort was required to seek out such evil. Now it saturates significant portions of virtually every corner of the world. Have you noticed how Satan works to capture the mind and emotions with flashing images, blaring music, and the stimulation of every physical sense to excess? He diligently strives to fill life with action, entertainment, and stimulation so that one cannot ponder the consequences of his tempting invitations. Think of it. Some are tempted to violate the most basic commandments of God because of seductive actions portrayed as acceptable.

9. Elder Quintin L. Cook, “Can Ye Feel So Now?” October 2012

We are all aware the culture in most of the world is not conducive to righteousness or spiritual commitment. The constant portrayal of violence and immorality in music, entertainment, art, and other media in our day-to-day culture is unprecedented. This was dramatically described by a highly respected Baptist theologian when he stated, “The spiritual immune system of an entire civilization has been wounded.”

Sexual immorality and impure thoughts violate the standard established by the Savior.¹⁷ We were warned at the beginning of this dispensation that sexual immorality would be perhaps the greatest challenge.¹⁸ Such conduct will, without repentance, cause a spiritual drought and loss of commitment. Movies, TV, and the Internet often convey degrading messages and images. Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music. Parents must have the courage to say no, defend truth, and bear powerful testimony.

10. President Thomas S. Monson, “Three Goals to Guide You,” October 2007

To an alarming extent, our children today are being educated by the media, including the Internet. In the United States, it is reported that the average child watches approximately four hours of television daily, much of the programming being filled with violence, alcohol and drug use, and sexual content. Watching movies and playing video games is in addition to the four hours. And the statistics are much the same for other developed countries.

The messages portrayed on television, in movies, and in other media are very often in direct opposition to that which we want our children to embrace and hold dear. It is our responsibility not only to teach them to be sound in spirit and doctrine but also to help them stay that way, regardless of the outside forces they may encounter. This will require much time and effort on our part—and in order to help others, we ourselves need the spiritual and moral courage to withstand the evil we see on every side.

11. “’A society that views graphic violence as entertainment … should not be surprised when senseless violence shatters the dreams of its youngest and brightest.’” Pres. Thomas S. Monson, Apr. 1994

12. “Remember, our Savior, Jesus Christ, always builds us up and never tears us down.  We should apply the power of that example in the ways we use our time, including our recreation and diversions.  Consider the themes of the books, magazines, movies, television, and music we make popular by our patronage.”  --Dallin H. Oakes, Nov 95,
    
    

13.   Another activity that can detract us from the proper way is watching television excessively or viewing improper movies. While fine productions on these media are uplifting and entertaining, we need to be very selective in choosing what we see and how much of our time such an activity deserves. Our precious time must not be diverted to the sideline attractions of vulgar language, immoral conduct, pornography, and violence. Joseph B. Wirthlin, Oct. 1990

14.  “Sadly, the effects of this great pollution are perhaps most evident in the mass media, films, television, and popular music.  Although there are some uplifting exceptions, in most areas of the mass media there seems to be a declaration of war against almost everything the majority treasures most: the family, religion, and patriotism.  Remember that anything that is not good for children is rarely good for adults.” --Joe J. Christensen, Nov 93, p. 11

15. “One of the great tragedies is that too many are watching and listening to this type of so-called entertainment.  I plead with you to leave it alone.  Stay away from any movie, video, publication, or music - regardless of its rating - where illicit behavior and expressions are a part of the action.  Have the courage to turn it off in your living room.  Throw the tapes and the publications in the garbage can, for that is where we keep garbage.” 

I know it is hard counsel we give when we say movies that are R-rated, and many with PG-13 ratings, are produced by satanic influences.  Our standards should not be dictated by the rating system.”  --H. Burke Peterson, Nov 93, p. 43

16.  Opposite from its harmful and permissive side, media offers much that is positive and productive. Television offers history channels, discovery channels, education channels. One can still find movies and TV comedies and dramas that entertain and uplift and accurately depict the consequences of right and wrong. This pernicious evil is not out in the street somewhere; it is coming right into our homes, right into the heart of our families. Elder M. Russell Ballard, “Let our Voices be Heard” 10/2003

17. “We live today in a world so full of choices.  Television offers both the good and the bad.  Very few movies are worthy of seeing because of the profanity, violence, and immortality that fill them.  Advertising is full of enticements to lead us to violate the Word of Wisdom.  Some music, with its monotonous rhythms, beats illicit thoughts into our heads.  Consider the counsel given by Pres. Spencer W. Kimball: ‘Now may I make a recommendation?  Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same tempatation time and time again.  You need only to decide some things once.  How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation.  To do such is time-consuming and very risky.’ Pres. Kimball Speaks Out.“   --L. Tom Perry, Nov 93

Elder M. Russell Ballard, When Shall These Things Be? BYU 1996

I believe you cannot watch on film people gunned down in cold blood, in living color, and not have it affect the attitudes and thoughts of some of the people who see it. I believe you cannot continually portray human sexuality as just another physical appetite that has to be satisfied—whenever and with whomever the urge strikes—without diminishing respect for God and His commandments. And I believe that the desensitizing effect of such media abuses on the hearts and souls of those who are exposed to them result in a partial fulfillment of the Savior’s statement that “because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold” (Matthew 24:12).

In order to keep the light and love of Christ burning in our hearts, we have to be careful in our choices of what we will watch and what we will read.

Dallin H. Oaks 1974 Ensign 
“Our Savior emphasized the importance of sexual purity when he taught that it was sinful for a man to look upon a woman to lust after her. That teaching leads me to say a few words about the kind of material we read and the kinds of movies and television we view. We are surrounded by the promotional literature of illicit sexual relations on the printed page and on the screen. For your own good, avoid it.

Pornographic or erotic stories and pictures are worse than filthy or polluted food. The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food. With a few fatal exceptions, bad food will only make you sick, but will do no permanent harm. In contrast, a person who feasts upon filthy stories, or pornographic or erotic pictures and literature, records them in this marvelous retrieval system we call a brain. The brain won’t forget this filth. Once recorded it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life.”

Brigham Young University President Dallin H. Oaks, from President’s Assembly speech, September 6, 1973


THE ETERNAL NATURE OF THE LAW OF CHASTITY by Elder Gene R. Cook 1989 - Ricks College, See the section on "Select Wholesome Music:

How many of you have heard of Mick Jagger? I think almost everyone has as he is one of the most famous rock stars in the world. Well, you might be surprised to know that I had about 2-1/2 hours with him on an airplane and it was quite an experience. I’m going to relate part of that to you to try to illustrate this important point about selecting wholesome music.

After we visited back and forth a minute or two about what we were doing and all, I finally said something like, “You know, Mick, I have a question for you that I’d like you to answer for me.” He said, “Well, I’ll be glad to try.” Then I said to him, “I have opportunity to be with young people in many different places around the world, and some of them have told me that the kind of music you and others like you sing has no effect on them, that it’s okay, and that it doesn’t affect them adversely in any way. Then other young people have told me very honestly that your kind of music has a real effect on them for evil and that it affects them in a very bad way.

You’ve been in this business for a long time, Mick. I’d like to know your opinion. What do you think is the impact of your music on the young people?” This is a direct quote, brothers and sisters. He said, “Our music is calculated to drive the kids to sex.” Those were his exact words.

Spiritual Family Rituals

Guest Blogger: Josh Stoddard

I wanted to talk a little about how important a family can be to developing spiritual attributes. I know that many people have complicated family situations and that the types of families vary widely; however, I know that for me personally many of the spiritual habits that I currently have are largely due to my family. These are the spiritual habits that lead to my testimony and currently are helping me in my conversion to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They have eternally impacted me for the better.

In my family, we would have to wake up every morning at 6:20, even in the summer, in order to read family scriptures and do family prayer. Although many times I was not very excited to wake up early and I was having more dreams than learning experiences, I came to understand the importance of scripture reading. After many years of doing this, I personally decided to start waking up at 5:50 so I could read the scriptures 30 minutes on my own before I went and read with my family. This is just a small example of how spiritual habits that my mother and father started have continued on into the lives of all their children. There are many more besides reading scriptures such as prayer, regular church attendance and service to others.

I really do love the commandment that the Lord gives in 3 Nephi 18:21 when he says “Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed.” I have seen how this promise is true. I have seen my parents, siblings and I all get blessed because of our family prayers. I firmly believe that the prophets of the Book of Mormon followed this council and helped create spiritual habits in their families which affected the lives of their children.

            I also just love how these spiritual habits that we create in the family transcend generations! I really look forward to the day when I can wake up my own kids and read the scriptures with them. Even though there will surely be times when they are cranky and do not get much out of it, just as there was in my own family, I hope that they too can understand the importance of these spiritual habits. I pray that one day I will be able to experience the joy that John refers to when he says “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”

Temple & Family History Work: Ministering of Angels and How Close are our Family and Ancestors who Have Died?

We have experienced the loss of my father-in-law, and more recently our 3 year-old granddaughter and my mother. I know they are not gone, but are in the Spirit World. These quotes bring a great deal of comfort and happiness.

Sister Rosemary M. Wixom, quoting Joseph Smith, "Temples, Taproots, and Family Trees," Ensign, Feb. 2017.
“They are not far from us, and know and understand our thoughts, feelings, and motions, and are often pained therewith.”

Joseph F. Smith, in Conference Report, April 1916, 2–3

“Sometimes the Lord expands our vision from this point of view and this side of the veil, that we feel and seem to realize that we can look beyond the thin veil which separates us from that other sphere. . . . [And we would understand that] those who have passed beyond, can see more clearly through the veil back here to us than it is possible for us to see them from our sphere of action.

I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. We begin to realize more and more fully, as we become acquainted with the principles of the Gospel, as they have been revealed anew in this dispensation, that we are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors, to our friends and associates and co-laborers who have preceded us into the spirit world. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus are associated and united to them by ties that we cannot break, that we cannot dissolve or free ourselves from.

And therefore, I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; they can comprehend better than ever before, the weaknesses that are liable to mislead us into dark and forbidden paths. They see the temptations and evils that beset us in life and the proneness of mortal beings to yield to temptation and wrong doing; hence their solicitude for us and their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves.”

Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 435–36

“When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred [and] friends. . . . In like manner, our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given to them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, The Ministry of Angels, October 2008
From the beginning down through the dispensations, God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love and concern for His children.

Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near. Sometimes their assignments are very grand and have significance for the whole world. Sometimes the messages are more private. Occasionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult times.

I testify that angels are still sent to help us, As Mormon said to his son Moroni, who would one day be an angel:

“Has the day of miracles ceased?

“Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved?

“Behold I say unto you, Nay; for … it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men. …

“For behold, they are subject unto [Christ], to minister according to the word of his command, showing themselves unto them of strong faith and a firm mind in every form of godliness.”9

I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He “would fight [our] battles, [our] children’s battles, and [the battles of our] children’s children.” And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to “search diligently, pray always, and be believing[. Then] all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith [we] have covenanted.”


President Nelson, The 2020 Mission Leadership Seminar
“Many of these experiences are not captured in the scriptures, but various accounts indicate that Joseph saw in vision or was visited by approximately 60 angels during his lifetime,” said President Nelson. “Each came as directed by the Lord for various purposes.

President Nelson told the mission leaders that “angels will also surround, prompt, protect, and accompany you.”


Beyond the knowledge obtained over the course of his many heavenly visits, Joseph also “found strength in his intimate association with those beyond the veil,” he said. “When Joseph was repeatedly betrayed by close associates or falsely accused or unjustly imprisoned, he was never alone. He trusted in the Lord and relied on familiar ‘divers angels’ he had come to know over many years.”

In the same manner, “you will never be left alone,” said President Nelson to the leaders. “The Prophet Joseph’s experience can also be your experience, as you seek for — and prepare yourself to receive— heaven’s help. I promise you that this is true.


“I leave you with my witness of the divine calling of the Prophet Joseph Smith. He was foreordained and divinely tutored to inaugurate the Restoration. That Restoration continues to unfold in our day.”

Elder Russell M. Ballard:
https://www.thechurchnews.com/leaders-and-ministry/2019-12-22/lds-hasen-family-plane-crash-idaho-funeral-170586

President Ballard shared “wonderful insight” regarding the Resurrection written by President Joseph F. Smith, who lost his own father, Hyrum, when he was five, and his mother when he was 13. During the course of his life, President Smith lost 16 of his own children and grandchildren.

In the April 1916 general conference, the Church’s sixth president — President Ballard’s own great-grandfather — spoke of the thin veil separating the living and those in the spirit world. The principles of the gospel reveal that the connections binding family members and friends do not end with the passage of mortality.

“I claim that we live in their presence,” said President Smith. “They see us. They are solicitous of our welfare. They love us now more than ever. Now they see the dangers that beset us. They can comprehend better than ever before the weaknesses that are liable to mislead us into dark and forbidden paths.”

The Hansens are enduring a great family tragedy, said President Ballard. But the sacred, living connection that binds the Hansen family remains.

“You will feel their presence,” he told Sister Hansen and her family. “There will be times when you will sense that they are watching over you. Don’t resist it, brothers and sisters. Let heaven help you through this. Let those who have passed on help you through this.”

“Will you see them?” he asked.

“Most likely not. Will you feel they are near? Absolutely — and especially if you will find time in this busy, hectic world we now live in to be still.”



More on this topic:

Doctrine and Covenants Student Manual, Chapter 50: D&C 130:5


Ensign 1988: Is there any truth to the idea that we have guardian angels who watch over and protect us?

How to Be a Better Parent: Counsel From Prophets and Apostles

1.   MAKE PARENTING A PRIORITY – Our Children need quantity and quality time

Thomas S. Monson, “The Path to Peace,” Apr. 94

So frequently we mistakenly believe that our children need more things, when in reality their silent pleadings are simply for more of our time.

Neal Maxwell, “Take Especial Care of Your Family,” Apr. 94

Obviously, family values mirror our personal priorities.  Given the gravity of current conditions, would parents be willing to give up just one outside thing, giving that time and talent instead to the family?  Parents and grandparents, please scrutinize your schedules and priorities in order to ensure that life’s prime time relationships get more prime time!        

Howard W. Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Oct. 1994

Your leadership of the family is your most important and sacred responsibility. The family is the most important unit in time and in eternity and, as such, transcends every other interest in life. Effective family leadership, brethren, requires both quantity and quality time.

L. Tom Perry, “Therefore I was Taught,” Apr. 94

Family life, where children and parents communicate together in study, play, and work, has been replaced by a quick, individual, microwave dinner and an evening in front of the TV set.  I’ve often thought of the happy times we had when our family was young. 

There are two areas I would determine to improve if that privilege were granted to me to have young children in our home once again. 

• The first would be to spend more time as husband and wife in a family executive committee meeting learning, communicating, planning, and organizing to better fulfill our roles as parents. 
• The second wish I would like, if I could have those years over, would be to spend more family time.  This includes more consistent, meaningful family home evenings.”

Neal A. Maxwell, Things As They Really Are, 4

Our "luggage," as we leave this life, will include the intelligence we have acquired while here. (D&C 130:18‑19.) Not everything we have learned will be useful enough to go with us; memorized phone numbers, a brief convenience here, would not be helpful there, but a highly developed capacity to love others will be essential equipment in the celestial kingdom.

Neal A. Maxwell, We Will Prove Them Herewith

Should it surprise us that in striving to acquire and develop celestial attributes, the greater the interpersonal proximity, the greater the challenge?  Is not patience, for instance, best developed among those with whom we interface incessantly?  The same is true with any of the other eternal attributes.  Hence the high adventure of marriage and family life ‑‑ and why it is that in our time so many run away from these challenges thinking they can avoid having to confront themselves by losing themselves in other endeavors or life‑styles.

2.      UNDERSTAND AND BALANCE DISCIPLINE

James E. Faust, “The Atonement: Our Greatest Hope,” October 2001

With reference to our mortal acts and the Atonement, President J. Reuben Clark Jr. contributed this valuable insight when he said:

“I feel that [the Savior] will give that punishment which is the very least that our transgression will justify. I believe that he will bring into his justice all of the infinite love and blessing and mercy and kindness and understanding which he has. …

“And on the other hand, I believe that when it comes to making the rewards for our good conduct, he will give us the maximum that it is possible to give, having in mind the offense which we have committed.” 30

As Isaiah wrote, if we will return unto the Lord, “he will abundantly pardon.” 31

Gordon B. Hinckley, Bring up a Child in the Way He Should Go,” Oct. 93
Love can make the difference-love generously given in childhood and reaching through the awkward years of youth.  It will do what money lavished on children will never do.
And patience, with a bridling of the tongue and self-mastery over anger. And encouragement that is quick to compliment and slow to criticize.
These, with prayers, will accomplish wonders.  You cannot expect to do it alone.  You need heaven’s help in rearing heaven’s child. 
Howard W. Hunter, “Parents’ Concern for Children,” Oct. 1983

We should remember that errors of judgment are generally less serious than errors of intent.

Even if there was a mistake made with full knowledge and understanding, there is the principle of repentance for release and comfort. Rather than constantly dwelling on what we perceive as a mistake or a sin or a failure to the detriment of our progress in the gospel or our association with family and friends, it would be better for us to turn away from it.

3.   STUDYING DOCTRINE WILL IMPROVE BEHAVIOR QUICKER THAN TALKING ABOUT BEHAVIOR

Boyd K. Packer, “Washed Clean,” April 1997

My message is to our young people. We have great concern for young people who grow up without values on which to base their conduct. I have long believed that the study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking about behavior will improve behavior.

Elder Henry B. Eyring, “The Power of Teaching Doctrine,” Apr. 1999
The question should not be whether we are too tired to prepare to teach doctrine, or whether it wouldn’t be better to draw a child closer by just having fun, or whether the child isn’t beginning to think that we preach too much. The question must be, “With so little time and so few opportunities, what words of doctrine from me will fortify them against the attacks on their faith which are sure to come?” The words you speak today may be the ones they remember. And today will soon be gone.
The best time to teach is early, while children are still immune to the temptations of their mortal enemy, and long before the words of truth may be harder for them to hear in the noise of their personal struggles. 

4.    TEACH CHILDREN TO EXERCISE AGENCY

Elder David A. Bednar, “Seek Learning by Faith,” Ensign, Sep. 2007

Consider the question posed by Heavenly Father to Adam in the Garden of Eden, “Where art thou?” (Genesis 3:9). Obviously the Father knew where Adam was hiding, but He, nonetheless, asked the question. Why? A wise and loving Father enabled His child to act in the learning process and not merely be acted upon. There was no one-way lecture to a disobedient child, as perhaps many of us might be inclined to deliver. Rather, the Father helped Adam as a learner to act as an agent and appropriately exercise his agency.

I have observed a common characteristic among the instructors who have had the greatest influence in my life. They refused to give me easy answers to hard questions. In fact, they did not give me any answers at all. Rather, they pointed the way and helped me take the steps to find my own answers.

Experience has enabled me to understand that an answer given by another person usually is not remembered for very long, if remembered at all. But an answer we discover or obtain through the exercise of faith, typically, is retained for a lifetime. The most important learnings of life are caught—not taught.

Please note how this inspired challenge is a classic example of learning by faith. First, you and I were not commanded, coerced, or required to read. Rather, we were invited to exercise our agency as agents and act in accordance with correct principles. President Hinckley, as an inspired teacher, encouraged us to act and not just be acted upon. Each of us, ultimately, had to decide if and how we would respond to the challenge—and if we would endure to the end of the task.

Quentin L. Cook, “Stewardship – a Sacred Trust,” Oct. 2009

We are responsible for the talents we have received. Children who are not taught that they are accountable for their time and talents are increasingly subject to the foolishness and unrighteousness that are so pervasive in the world.

What the Scriptures Teach About How to Be a Better Parent

We are supposed to liken the scriptures unto ourselves and I have found in my life that the example of Nephi building the boat illustrates some critical points to remember when parenting.

The first point is that Nephi didn’t build the ship after the manner of men. This is a good reminder that we shouldn’t always base our parenting choices on what is popular at the time. I often try to remind myself that “The Lords ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).”

The other important lesson from Nephi is that “the Lord did show [him] from time to time after what manner [he] should work the timbers.” Also, that Nephi had to “go to the mount oft, and [he] did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto [him] great things.]

I remember one time when my daughter was in high school, I noticed that she was being extra quiet and keeping to herself. I tried on several occasions to talk with her and ask what was wrong. She kept assuring me that everything was fine. I kept praying for help to know what to do, and one day I had a feeling about what was concerning my daughter. As I approached her on that specific concern, she opened up and we were able to talk through the problem.

The other scripture from the list below that has really blessed my parenting is from Alma Chapter 4. Alma the Younger was both the chief judge and the high priest over the Church. The members of the Church were becoming more wicked. So “Alma delivered up the judgment-seat to Nephihah, and confined himself wholly to the high priesthood... that he himself might go forth among his people that he might preach the word of God unto them.” 

I have seen that one of the challenges of today is that parents can get so busy doing good things, that they are not around enough for their children. When I was a young mother back in 1987, President Benson gave his talk, “To Mothers in Zion.” His first of ten suggestions was:  

First, take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are coming or going—when they leave and return from school—when they leave and return from dates—when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen.

In the almost 30 years since, (my youngest in now in high school) I have found this to be very wise counsel.

See also Elder Bednar’s talk: “More Diligent and Concerned at Home.”

Here are some of the scriptures from the Book of Mormon which provide insight on parenting and relationships:

1 Nephi 18:1-3 And we did work timbers of curious workmanship. And the Lord did show me from time to time after what manner I should work the timbers of the ship.

Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men, neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build the ship after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me.

And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things.

2 Nephi 25:28 I have spoken plainly unto you that ye cannot misunderstand.

2 Nephi 33:4 I know that the Lord God will consecrate my prayers for the gain of my people.

Jacob 2:8-9, 35 And it supposeth me that they have come up hither to hear the pleasing word of God, yea, the word which healeth the wounded soul. And because of the strictness of the word of God, which cometh down against you, many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds.

Alma 4:18-20 [Alma] delivered the judgment-seat unto Nephihah. And this he did that he himself might go forth among the people of Nephi, that he might preach the word of God unto them. Alma delivered up the judgment-seat to Nephihah, and confined himself wholly to the high priesthood of the holy order of God.

Alma 6:6 They should gather themselves together oft, and join in fasting and mighty prayer in behalf of the welfare of the souls of those who knew not God.

Alma 10:7 For he [Alma] has fasted many days because of the sins of the people.

Alma 39:7 I would not dwell upon your crimes, to harrow up your soul, if it were not for your good.

Alma 42:1,30 For ye so try to suppose that it is injustice that the sinner should be consigned to a state of misery. I desire that ye should deny the justice of God no more. Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point because of your sins, by denying the justice of God; but do you let the justice of God, and his mercy, and his long-suffering have full sway in your heart; and let it bring you down to the dust in humility.

3 Nephi 11:29 He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

3 Nephi 22:13 And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

3 Nephi 25:6 I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn [bind or seal J.S.] the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

Mormon 8:20 Behold what the scripture says – man shall not smite, neither shall he judge; for judgment is mine, saith the Lord, and vengeance is mine also, and I will repay.

Moroni 8:2-3 My beloved son, Moroni...I am mindful of you always in my prayers, continually praying unto God the Father in the name of his Holy Child, Jesus, that he, through his infinite goodness and grace, will keep you through the endurance of faith on his name to the end.

How to Be a Better Parent: Preparing Our Children for The Fight Against Evil - Lessons from the War Chapters of the Book of Mormon

What lessons can we learn for today in the War Chapters of the Book of Mormon? Decide for yourself of how these might relate to today’s fight against evil. How can you apply these in your own family or situation?

Elder Bednar did a great job listing some the lessons we learn from the war chapters:

David A. Bednar, BYUI, 2003

Have you ever wondered why so much is recorded in the Book of Mormon about war? There are approximately 100 recorded instances of armed conflict in the Book of Mormon. The word war occurs 132 times in the Book of Mormon. The war chapters of Alma 43-63 alone include more than 50 pages- approximately 10 percent of the entire Book of Mormon.

Why so much about war? And how do the descriptions of wars and battles help us today in seeking the gift of courage? President Benson taught:

The Book of Mormon was written for us today. God is the author of the book. God, who knows the end from the beginning, told [Mormon] what to include in his abridgment that we would need for our day (President Ezra Taft Benson, Conference Report, April 1975, p. 94).

Let me suggest that one of the primary reasons so much information is recorded about war in the Book of Mormon is to help you and me in these latter days appropriately seek the gift of courage.

What lessons do we learn about courage and war in The Book of Mormon?

·         We learn about the strategies and tactics of those who oppose righteousness

·         The defensive and protective strategies and tactics of the righteous.

·         We learn that the righteous can be strengthened in battle by the hand of the Lord.

·         And perhaps most importantly, we learn that small groups of the righteous can escape from the grasp of their enemies or emerge victorious against overwhelming opposing numbers and weaponry.

What Worked in the Past Isn’t Enough: Prepare in a Manner “Which has Never Been Known” Alma 49:8

Note this warning given by President Henry B. Eyring of the First Presidency:

“As the forces around us increase in intensity, whatever spiritual strength was once sufficient will not be enough. And whatever growth in spiritual strength we once thought was possible, greater growth will be made available to us. Both the need for spiritual strength and the opportunity to acquire it will increase at rates which we underestimate at our peril” (“Always” [Church Educational System fireside for young adults], Jan. 3, 1999, 3, ldsces.org).

Alma 43 - How did Moroni prepare against the evil of Zerahemnah? (an army twice as numerous)

1.      vs. 19 - Captain Moroni prepared his people with armor and thick clothing

2.      vs. 23 - Captain Moroni sends spies to watch the enemy

3.      vs. 23 - Captain Moroni sends a messenger to Alma the prophet to have him ask the Lord where they should go

4.      vs. 48 - As his men begin to fear, Captain Moroni inspires his men with the truth of their cause

5.      vs. 49 - they cry to the Lord for help and in vs. 50 In the selfsame hour that they cry to the Lord, they stand with power against their enemies.

6.      Alma 44:9  Zerahemnah, leader of their enemies, denies that it was the Lord who gave the Nephites the victory.

Alma 48 - How did Moroni prepare against the evil of Amalakiah?

1.      vs. 7 - Captain Moroni was “preparing the minds of the people to be faithful unto the Lord.

2.      vs. 8 - Captain Moroni erected small forts, or places of resort to enclose his armies, and built walls of stone to encircle them about.

3.      vs. 9 - Captain Moroni fortified their weakest places by placing the greater number of men.

Ensign Article by By Kerry Hanson Jensen, 1/16

I began to feel a sense of helplessness and vulnerability in protecting my children. I unexpectedly found reassurance in 1 Nephi 15. Nephi is explaining Lehi’s vision of the tree of life to Laman and Lemuel when they ask the meaning of the river of water. Nephi answers in verse 27: “And I said unto them that the water which my father saw was filthiness; and so much was his mind swallowed up in other things that he beheld not the filthiness of the water”. Lehi’s mind was focused on the tree of life and getting his family to it to partake of its fruit! He didn’t even see the filthiness because of this focus.

That was the answer! Keeping inappropriate media out of our home was a start, but a more direct and conscious effort to teach our children the gospel is what would ultimately be their best defense against anything that could lead them away.

Alma 58 - How did the Lord strengthen the people against their enemies?

1.      Helaman and the Stripling Warriors poured out their souls for strength vs. 10

2.      The Lord did visit them with assurances and did speak peace to their souls vs. 11

3.      The Lord did grant unto them great faith and did cause that they should hope for deliverance. vs. 11

Other Resources:

Alma 50: 23 never had been a happier time among the Nephites

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/personal-strength-through-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng&query=%22Captain+Moroni%22

Elder Richard G. Scott

In between the many battles, Captain Moroni directed fortification of the weakest cities. “He caused that they should build a breastwork of timbers upon the inner bank of the ditch; and they cast up dirt out of the ditch against the breastwork of timbers … until they had encircled the city … with a strong wall of timbers and earth, to an exceeding height.”14 Captain Moroni understood the importance of fortifying the weak areas to create strength.15

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/prepared-in-a-manner-that-never-had-been-known?lang=eng&query=%22Captain+Moroni%22

Linda C. Reeves

As I am again reading about Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon, I am reminded that one of Moroni’s greatest accomplishments was his careful preparation of the Nephites to withstand the frightening Lamanite army. He prepared his people so well that we read, “Behold, to [the Lamanites’] uttermost astonishment, [the Nephites] were prepared for them, in a manner which never had been known.”3

That phrase, “prepared … in a manner which never had been known,” really caught my attention.

How can we better prepare for sacred temple blessings? The Lord taught, “And again, I will give unto you a pattern in all things.”4Let’s consider a scriptural pattern to help us prepare well. Moroni’s preparation for the enemy took consistent and faithful diligence, and this pattern will require the same.

Women: Should Mothers Work? A Gospel Perspective

Should mother's work outside the home? This can be a hard decision with many factors to consider. There is definitely an endless amount of advise on this from a worldly standpoint. I would suggest that we prayerfully ask for humility as we study the words of the prophets to find the right answers for ourselves. Sometimes life doesn't give us a choice, but when it does, the blessings of following the prophets can't be measured.

Read this great collection of quotes from various prophets about mother's working: Eternal Marriage Student Manual, page 237-40. Here is one of the quotes: 

“One apparent impact of the women’s movement has been the feelings of discontent it has created among young women who have chosen the role of wife and mother. They are often made to feel that there are more exciting and self-fulfilling roles for women than housework, diaper changing, and children calling for mother. This view loses sight of the eternal perspective that God elected women to the noble role of mother and that exaltation is eternal fatherhood and eternal motherhood. [‘To the Elect Women of the Kingdom of God,’ Nauvoo Illinois Relief Society Dedication, 30 June 1978.]” (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 506–7, 548–49).

Here are a few other quotes that have helped me find joy in raising my children:

Elder Richard G. Scott, "The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness," October 1996

One of Satan’s most effective approaches is to demean the role of wife and mother in the home. This is an attack at the very heart of God’s plan to foster love between husband and wife and to nurture children in an atmosphere of understanding, peace, appreciation, and support. Much of the violence that is rampant in the world today is the harvest of weakened homes. Government and social plans will not effectively correct that, nor can the best efforts of schools and churches fully compensate for the absence of the tender care of a compassionate mother and wife in the home.

This morning President Hinckley spoke of the importance of a mother in the home. Study his message. As a mother guided by the Lord, you weave a fabric of character in your children from threads of truth through careful instruction and worthy example. You imbue the traits of honesty, faith in God, duty, respect for others, kindness, self-confidence, and the desire to contribute, to learn, and to give in your trusting children’s minds and hearts. No day-care center can do that. It is your sacred right and privilege.

Of course, as a woman you can do exceptionally well in the workplace, but is that the best use of your divinely appointed talents and feminine traits? As a husband, don’t encourage your wife to go to work to help in your divinely appointed responsibility of providing resources for the family, if you can possibly avoid it. As the prophets have counseled, to the extent possible with the help of the Lord, as parents, work together to keep Mother in the home.²² Your presence there will strengthen the self-confidence of your children and decrease the chance of emotional challenges. Moreover, as you teach truth by word and example, those children will come to understand who they are and what they can obtain as divine children of Father in Heaven.

President Hinckley "To the Women of the Church, 2003:

Then we have you older women who are neither young nor old. You are in the most wonderful season of your lives. Your children are in their teens. Possibly one or two are married. Some are on missions, and you are sacrificing to keep them in the field. You are hoping and praying for their success and happiness. To you dear women I offer some special counsel.

Count your blessings; name them one by one. You don't need a great big mansion of a house with an all-consuming mortgage that goes on forever. You do need a comfortable and pleasant home where love abides. Someone has said that there is no more beautiful picture than that of a good woman cooking a meal for those she loves. Weigh carefully that which you do. You do not need some of the extravagances that working outside the home might bring. Weigh carefully the importance of your being in the home when your children come from school.

Mothers, take good care of your daughters. Be close to them. Listen to them. Talk with them. Lead them from doing foolish things. Guide them into doing the right thing. See that they dress in a comely and modest fashion. Safeguard them from the terrible evils that are all about them.

Nurture your sons with love and counsel. Teach them the importance of personal cleanliness, of neatness in their dress. Sloppy ways lead to sloppy lives. Instill in them a sense of discipline. Keep them worthy of service to the Church as missionaries. Give them things to do so that they may learn to work. Teach them to be frugal. Labor and frugality lead to prosperity. Teach them that nothing really good happens after 11 o'clock at night. And do not spoil them. If they go on missions, they may be compelled to live in circumstances that you would not wish for them. Do not worry about them. Give them encouragement.

Stir within your children the desire for education. This is the latchkey to success in life. And at the same time, teach them that as President David O. McKay was wont to remind us, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." 1

Elder Richard G. Scott, "The Power of Correct Principles," May 1993

“When as mothers, you are consistently in the home, at least during the hours the children are predominantly there, you can detect the individual needs of each child and provide ways to satisfy them.  Your divinely given instincts help sense a child’s special talents and unique capacities so that you can nurture and strengthen them.

Recently I reviewed the history of many missionaries and found a powerful correlation between exceptional missionaries and mothers who chose to remain home, often at great financial and personal sacrifice.

How grateful you mothers of youth like these must feel as you see some of the fruits of your sacrifice.  You have a vision of the power of obediently, patiently teaching truth, because you look beyond the peanut butter sandwiches, soiled clothing, tedious hours of routine, struggles with homework, and long hours by a sickbed.

You must be willing to forgo personal pleasure and self-interest for family-centered activity, and not turn over to church, school, or society the principal role of fostering a child’s well-rounded development.  It takes time, great effort, and significant personal sacrifice to ‘train up a child in the way he should go.’  But where can you find greater rewards for a job well done?”

Now the most important principal I can share: Anchor our life in Jesus Christ, your Redeemer.  Make your Eternal Father and his Beloved Son the most important priority in your life--more important than life itself, more important than a beloved companion or children or anyone on earth.  Make their will your central desire.  Then all that you need for happiness will come to you.” 

Elder L. Tom Perry, “Mothers Teaching Children in The Home, April 2010”

My mother understood the value of teaching her children about standards, values, and doctrine while they were young. While she was grateful to others who taught her children outside the home at either school or church, she recognized that parents are entrusted with the education of their children and, ultimately, parents must ensure that their children are being taught what their Heavenly Father would have them learn. My siblings and I were quizzed very carefully by our mother after we had been taught away from the home to be certain the correct lessons were reaching our ears and shaping our minds.

Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go” (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with parents.

Parents must bring light and truth into their homes by one family prayer, one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud, one song, and one family meal at a time. They know that the influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily parenting is among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world.

I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation. We see so many challenges today from distracting and destructive influences intended to mislead God’s children. We are seeing many young people who lack the deep spiritual roots necessary to remain standing in faith as storms of unbelief and despair swirl around them. Too many of our Father in Heaven’s children are being overcome by worldly desires. The onslaught of wickedness against our children is at once more subtle and more brazen than it has ever been. Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the home adds another layer of insulation to protect our children from worldly influences.